Actually, Star Wars is a little vague. I really mean Mos Eisley Cantina. Now, don’t get the wrong idea–I know I’m affiliated (albeit loosely) with Audio Visual and ipso facto that may make one jump to the conclusion that Star Wars and Star Trek are like my dream world. Not true. I am a Star Wars fan, but so is every man that was born from 1960-1995. Anyway, I digress…my point was, if the airport was more like Mos Eisley it would be far cooler.
While Mos Eisley is known for being a “wretched hive of scum and villiany”, it is also a place that allows you to react in a manner in which you seem fit. For instance, in Star Wars, some dude tried to get “all up in Luke’s grill” and Obi Wan was forced to lay the smack down and cut his arm off.
No ruckus. No drama–he had it coming. But, at the aiport, you could do no such thing–even if one had it coming.
Here’s a for instance: Let’s say you’re sitting there and a lady next to you (who happens to be heading to Micky land on your flight) has two of the loudest most obnxious kids in the history of time.
So the mom tries to take little Beelzebub and Mephistopheles to go to the bathroom before they have to board. The kids are screaming at the top of their lungs…”No, I’m playing with my cars!”, says Beelz. “I know, sweetie…come with mama to the potty.” “Nooooooooooooooooooooooo” Beelz replies again and then follows with a nails on the chalkboard screech that literally made kidneys fail. I looked up from my Esquire and shook my head, turned up my i-tunes and thanked God they were not my children. It was then that my Mos Eisley moment came about…Mom took the pile of toys, wubbies and pullows that this little satan spawn had strewn all over the aisle and started to pack them back into his “I heart Satan” backpack and the little dickens did not like that. He disliked it so much that between holding his breath and screeching he winged his 1963 Chevy Impala Hot Wheel right at my face.
He got me right in the cheek. Now, granted…he was like 3 or 4, but the velocity at which this baby Michael Vick chucked that matchbox car would have brought tears to anyone. Your’s truly did not cry though. I gritted my teeth and looked down at the little demon and said, calmly, “is this your toy?” The mother apologized profusely and said I don’t know what to do with them sometimes…I thought to myself, “have you considered drowning?” Of course, I jest…but seriously, if we were in Mos Eisley…that kid would have been limbless.
One thing that the airport does have over Mos Eisley is McDonalds. I’ve never felt so good about paying $15 for something that I have a 50/50 shot of dying from. After nearly being decapitated by littl Lucifer, it hit the spizzy…just awesome.
And, finally, as a point of comparison, one thing both the airport and Mos Eisley lack–droids! No droids allowed in Mos Eisly Cantina–
“We don’t server their kind”, says the Droidest bartender! I think the airport has the same policy. I went from terminal to terminal looking for a Power Droid.
Just a simple outlet where I could plug my laptop or my I Pod into to juice up before the 3 plus hour flight, wherein I guarantee I’m sitting next to Beelz. Which reminds me…Airplanes would be better if they were like the Millenium Falcon…but, that’s another story.
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